In search of Nyarlathotep... or is it the other way around? ... wake me!

No quiero musica, no quiero perderme en los olores... canela y vanilla, humo y pesadillas. Quien quiere dormir? Perderse en los tormentos de las shoggoths o buscar al castillo de Kadath, qué cambiara las visiones a pesadillas? solo se que se como regrasar al mundo de sueño subir y bajar los escaleras, y pasar por Nasht y Kaman-Tha... despierta me... porfa... que Nyarlathotep me esta buscando... el caos arrastrándose ... Escandalosamente sensibles, tontamente delirante, sólo los dioses que se puede decir. Una sombra se enfermó, sensible retorciéndose las manos que no son manos, y se giró ciegamente medianoches pasa...do de la creación espantosa de descomposición, los cadáveres de mundos muertos con heridas que eran las ciudades, los vientos osario que el cepillo de las estrellas pálidas y hacer que el parpadeo de baja. Más allá de los mundos fantasmas vaga de cosas monstruosas, la mitad-visto columnas de los templos unsanctifled que descansan sobre las rocas sin nombre bajo el espacio y llegar hasta vacuo mareado por encima de las esferas de la luz y la oscuridad. Y a través de este cementerio repugnante del universo amortiguado, superando a la furia de los tambores, y se quejan delgada y monótono de las flautas blasfema de las cámaras inconcebible, sin luz más allá del Tiempo

So a month later...

Well, I haven't moved yet. I am definately changing my major, trying to convince them to let me stick around to pass math/german though. ... I just (right now!) got an email saying that any possibility of my staying where I am beyond August is out of the question. O.o ... Wow um... geee... guess that throws any plans I had out the window. Well as I was about to say I was going to attempt to stay here and study, but now... yet another piece of germany is trying to ruin me. First it is lack of information and now it is simply because of previous things. And I really have no where to go anymore... I should just disappear to a monestary... there is plenty of safety nets for germans who are normal... but I am not.

Guess this is just another chapter in my depression? I can't keep someone I love near to me, I can't keep a focus worth anything for studying, and obviously germany doesnt want me here. The old plan for this disaster would still work... except that things changed and I no longer think I can assume that I would ever be able to attempt it. I hope beyond a hope of a dream that I can move and do my simple old plan... I would be happy, and that is what really matters to me. Nothing is perfect, but I would settle for happy.

*cries*