Vaguely Consistent Blogging?!

It is official, no one ever looks at this. Except, now, for you. And I think today is the day I show it to you. And I am honestly halfway overjoyed and terrified. This is my emotional history book, I come here when no one else is around to share it with... or when things are to hard to share with them. This is me.

Beloved, I know your reading this. Maybe it helps you fix me, knowing how I used to feel, or things I might have forgotten about, or blocked out. And your constant encouragement, and my telling you that I'm going to show this to you... I'm scared. Don't hate me for things in the past, because I need you to understand me, and love me anyways.

This is not love letters, this is despair and hope, pain, torment, and love. I hope that whenever you end up seeing this that you don't feel guilty. It took so much to offer to show you... I love you though, and I'd rather hurt then force you to read something that would disturb or hurt you. You say you'd read it... I won't hurt you. Not on purpose, not now. not ever...

If anything is about someone who isn't in my life anymore... it is past, you know how much they hurt me. And one was gentle and the other was... a bitch. And today and for quite a long time now, I love you, this is my raw honest place. I don't sugar coat it here (I try not to at least).

This is me... the crawling chaos. Are you sure you want me?